The False Hope Of A Holy "Friend With Benefits"

It has taken me a while to decide to write this, because the issue I will be talking about is deep. It has required me to study the Bible considerably, because I didn't want to overlook God's character concerning this. I don't have all the answers; I am a mere jar of clay graced with a relationship with the Creator. But I have observed something that many people do, apply a concept from our culture to spiritual life, which contradicts truth and doesn't line up with God's character.

What I am talking about is the concept of "friends with benefits." This is something our culture (and others, I'm sure) accepts: two strangers will "hook up" and decide that they like each other enough to continue their sexual relationship, but that is the basis for their relationship. It is "casual." The movie Up in the Air conveys this concept well; A frequent flyer for business, played by George Clooney, meets a fellow frequent flyer who shares the same high status as he, and the relationship quickly becomes sexual. Throughout the movie, they find times when their schedules line up and continue their "casual" relationship. George Clooney's character becomes attached to the lady, but at the end of the movie he discovers that the lady is married and has a family. The lady calls her relationship with him a "parenthesis." Strictly casual. An escape from real life. A friend with benefits.

I'm not going discuss why physical friends with benefits aren't a good idea, though it wouldn't take a long look at our society to discover that it doesn't really work in the long run. 

The concept of a friend with benefits has now moved beyond the physical; it has been applied to the spiritual. People now treat God as their holy friend with benefits. They don't have the relationship with Him, but they go to Him in times of trouble or when they need strength or encouragement. Now, the issue is not that they go to God in times of trouble; in fact, He is the best person to go to during those times. The issue is that they don't have the relationship with God, but they think they can still partake in His blessings, provisions, strength, etc.

This concept isn't too far-fetched in light of our culture; I can see how they've taken the concept of a physical "friend with benefits" and applied it to God. But although it is accepted in the world, it is not accepted by God when people just want a "casual" relationship with Him.  Going through the Bible, I found some passages that show why God doesn't allow for this kind of relationship. The first is Matthew 22:11-13:

"But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. 'Friend,' he asked, 'how did you get in here without wedding clothes?' The man was speechless. The the king told the attendants, 'Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'"

Jesus is telling a parable about the kingdom of heaven, describing the kingdom of heaven as a wedding banquet thrown by a king. One of the guests "was not wearing wedding clothes." As a result, he was thrown into the darkness, also known as hell. Why did the king react like that? Because the man wasn't clothed with Christ. Galatians 3:26-27 says, "You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ." 

Here is the truth: in order to partake of the wedding banquet of heaven, and in order to receive the blessings of God, we must be clothed with Christ. The greatest encouragement to be found in the Bible is that Christ died for our sins so that we can enter into a relationship with God. The greatest blessing is that we can be clothed with Christ, that "a righteousness from God has been revealed" (Romans 1:17). This means that we don't have to muster up a righteousness to present to God; anything we do to earn God's acceptance would fall severely short. But redemption is attainable through Jesus alone (Romans 3:23ff). 

So why doesn't God allow us to have a "casual" relationship with him, a holy "friend with benefits"? His reason is love. He offers a relationship with himself, but he requires that people trade in their lives for his. This is an act of love because our lives apart from him will result in damnation. Jesus says in Luke 9:23-24: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Jesus wasn't afraid to lay out what it costs people to have a relationship with him; it costs their entire life. Having a relationship with Christ is transforming; you're not the same afterwards (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

God doesn't bless ones who aren't clothed in Christ because he doesn't want to give them false hope. The gospels make it clear that God wants all or nothing; He wasn't afraid to tell people the cost of not following him. It's because Jesus loves everyone that he doesn't give unbelievers the false hope that they can partake in the blessings of a relationship with Him. He offers himself, nothing less.

For those who are not followers of Christ, take comfort in knowing that God loves you so much that not only did he remove the sin-barrier between him and you, but he also refuses to give you false hope. He knows what you truly need, and that is himself; he offers no less. The cross is the ultimate hope. For those who are followers of Christ, we cannot convey our relationship with God as a "casual" relationship.  We must live out Matthew 5:14-16:

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

All Eyes On Him

A couple of the folks here at HDC were fasting and praying during lunch time. We were reading over a passage in Numbers (chapters 13-14) about the nation of Israel about to enter the Promised Land. Twelve guys had scouted the land and were giving a report. Although they all agreed that it was good land, most of them gave a bad report, saying that the inhabitants were too big and strong for Israel to conquer. But Joshua and Caleb, two of the spies, disagreed and said that Israel would be able to overcome them because the Lord would be with them. They were so certain of the Lord's faithfulness that they tore their clothes (a sign of serious grief in that day) in front of the entire Israelite assembly and pleaded with them not to rebel against the Lord.

Imagine the courage that Caleb and Joshua had. They were convinced the land of Canaan was conquerable despite the fact that the majority of the scouts were saying the opposite. What stood out to us was that Caleb and Joshua had their eyes on God, while the others had their eyes on the seemingly indomitable inhabitants of Canaan. They were so quick to doubt God because they weren't focusing on God, they were focusing on the seemingly impossible task at hand.

This brought to our minds several other passages from the Bible. We were reminded of how God told Ezekiel to prophecy to a valley of dry bones, telling them to have life, and God did it (Ezekiel 37). We were also reminded of when Peter began to sink while walking on the water towards Jesus because he had taken his eyes off Jesus and became afraid when he saw the wind (Matthew 14:22ff). And we were reminded of when Jesus told his disciples that if they had faith as small as a mustard seed, they could move mountains. In fact, Jesus even said that if they had mustard seed faith, "Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20).

All this to say, we were reminded that if we are brave and trust in God with the little faith we have, God will show his glory and further his kingdom. Joshua and Caleb said that the Lord would lead them and be with them (Numbers 14:8-9). Jesus said he'd be with us always (Matthew 28:20). God is with his followers, and He's given us a task: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations," (Matthew 28:19). God has done so much for us and has given us a relationship with him, and we are to spread that love and give him glory in everything we do (1 Corinthians 10:31). Nothing will be impossible for us if we trust in Him, and even the gates of hell won't overcome the church he's building (Matthew 16:18).

Like Caleb, Joshua, and Peter, we need to keep our eyes on God. We need to trust in Him to do the impossible. Only our unbelief and fear get in the way. If we take what the Bible says literally, it should be very encouraging to us, because it's God who gives us the strength and works through us (Philippians 2:13). Take God at his word. Keep your eyes on him as you follow him out on the stormy water, as you walk into the indomitable lands, as you speak to a valley of dry bones.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9